I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
