Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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