her vagine was all disorganized.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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