YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
