sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
