He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
