i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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