Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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