Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
