I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
