I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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