woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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