um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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