barbara walters just said penis...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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