Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
