just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
