im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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