I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
