Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
