I cockslap morals
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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