Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize