I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
