I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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