Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
