Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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