your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
