I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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