the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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