Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
