I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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