Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
