Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
