Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
