Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
