No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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