After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
