is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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