When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
