i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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