I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
