This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
