I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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