Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
