Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
