I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
