U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
