If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
