Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
