When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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