I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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