I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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