Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
