i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
