What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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