dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
