what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
