I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
why is half of my head shaved?
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