Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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