Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
