**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
