You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
