I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
