I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
not ubering you a puppy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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