are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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