This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
