i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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