Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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