The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
