fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
