i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
