I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
