the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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