Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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